Today's Kodak Moment

It's snowing today, in northeast Ohio. That, in itself, wasn't it.

The "kodak moment" came as I hurried home from running errands this morning. I pulled up into my driveway and saw my visitors.

Two doves were sitting in the blowing snow. One sat perched in a tree near my walkway. The other sat on the rail of the walkway. They seemed undisturbed by the falling snow, blowing wind and freezing temperature. They seemed... at peace with the moment.

I scurried in and grabbed my camera and tripod. Then, as I slipped out the door to snap away, I hoped I wouldn't disturb them. More than I wanted the photos, I wanted them to feel at home. I wanted them to feel like they could sit there, in peace, all day if they wanted.

I got my photos. And they were all that I was hoping they'd be. And more. I found in them, a moment of peace.

What Do I Want to Be

when I grow up?

It's a difficult question. I have done so many jobs in my life. Most of them were just jobs. I didn't particularly hate them; nor did I particularly love them. They were jobs. Places to pause, but not places to stay.

So the question remains: what do I want to be when I grow up?

I want to write. And take photos. So, what's that called besides writer/photographer? I want to do something creative. But I need to help pay the mortgages. plural. You'd think that being "good" at those things might be enough to get you "in the door" but I'm here to tell you, it isn't. If you do portrait photography, it can be. Your income can grow by word of mouth. But if you do landscape, nature, news photography, you need credentials. Where would I find those?

It's the old catch-22: you need experience to get the job, but you need the job to get the experience. I promise, if I ever "make it," I will try to help out someone else. I'll pay it forward.

Bumps In The Road

I think it's a misnomer.

A bump generally means something that lifts you higher. Right? If you hit a literal bump in the road, you go higher. A bump in salary means you get more money. In a chat forum, a bump means moving a post to a higher position. A bump in bidding means to increase the price. A speed bump, while it slows you down, also lifts your car higher, momentarily.

So, why do we say we hit a bump in the road when we haven't been lifted up at all?

Shouldn't we say we hit a dip in the road? Or a pothole in the road of life?

Sometimes, it's more like a sinkhole. When something totally unexpected just stops you in your tracks. When your forward momentum isn't slowed down, it's stopped completely. That's not a bump; that's a sinkhole.

No bumps for me today. No sinkholes. Just thinking; that's all.

TV without one

Huh?

I've been "watching TV" without one, you know. Remember I don't have a TV? Well, actually, now I do, but it's sitting over there in the box because it's too heavy for me to take out of the box alone. (rolling my eyes here)

Anyway, I've been watching on the computer. It's amazing what you can find when you're desperate for a TV "fix." Almost all the channels are showing some full episodes online. Or you can watch things on YouTube. And then there's TV-links. And I've used them all.

My favorite new show this season is Private Practice. I wasn't planning on watching. I figured it was one more medical drama thing that I didn't really need to see. I've watched so many seasons of ER and others that I didn't think there was anything new under the sun. But I was wrong; I love this show! I watched the first episode because I saw a familiar face, Amy Brenneman. I enjoyed her on Judging Amy so I decided to watch one episode to check out her newest character. Violet, a shrink with so many issues of her own, is a woman I can laugh with, cry with, cheer on and scream at! She's like a long lost friend. And I am hooked.

Browsing Craigslist

Did you ever browse through Craigslist.org?

Interesting stuff there.... I'm browsing for a job, personally. Writing and/or photography, preferably. Something creative to help pay the 2 mortgages.

Yep. Interesting jobs: Concert Photographer- sounds very cool, but I'm way too old for this one. Makeup artist- someone to "turn an african american into a caucasian and make it look realistic" (that's a quote). Soft porn- they'd like a body shot, face shot not required. Magazine seeks thick eye candy..... people, you can't make these things up....

Interesting other stuff, too.... like, there's a surrogacy agency seeking women. On Craigslist.
Info Architect. What the heck is an info architect???

Here's one I could so do! Household manager for a prominent NYC family. They need someone to run their household and oversee their staff in their 6 story city home as well as their Hamptons weekend home. I don't know.... they're only paying $100k.

Seriously. Browsing through Craigslist is an education in itself. Who knew some of these jobs even existed?

Snow!!!

November 6. First snowfall of the season.

I'm not really sure snowFALL is the right word, though. It's more like snowblow? It's blowing snow is what it really is.

Whatever we call it, it's white stuff, falling from the sky in cold temperatures with howling winds! EEK! Makes me want to make hot cocoa... mmmmm....

I was surprised to see that it was 39 degrees out, and snowing. I guess I always thought it had to be freezing to snow. I guess I guessed wrong.

I was also a little surprised to not see any birds feeding this morning. I don't think it was the temperature, because they've fed when it was colder. Maybe it was the fierce wind? Maybe they knew to stay in their cozy nests today?

So, it's in the books. The first snowfall. Not measurable, but clearly snow. Falling. Or blowing.

Winter's here.

I love yoga!

I wish I'd found yoga 30 years ago!

I love how I feel when I'm practicing regularly.... I love the suppleness of my body, the centeredness of my mind, the painless state of my back.

At first, yoga hurt. LOL. But given a week to 10 days, my body realized, I believe, that I was trying to do something good for it- novel idea, but I was trying! And it relaxed and let the yoga happen.

I once read a discussion about the Christian practice of yoga. Personally, I found it silly to think you couldn't practice yoga and Christianity. One is not exclusive of the other. There is no worship in yoga. There is acceptance, and honor, and love in yoga. Accepting your body the way it is, honoring the body's limitations, and loving yourself with all your imperfections and limitations.

I think those are lessons we can all use, regularly.

Today in Savasana (Corpse pose, meditation/relaxation at the end of practice), I thought, "I'm cold" and followed that thought with, "I'm thankful that I'll only be cold for a few minutes, then I'll go get in the warm sauna, or my warm car, and I don't have to sleep outside tonight, or work outside today." This is one of the reasons I love yoga. While I'm practicing for myself, it takes me out of myself, too. I'm allowing myself to be self-centered for an hour of practice, and that allows me to see others more clearly the rest of the time.

Namaste.

Actually, No They Don't All Speak English

As I bemoaned my lack of German language skills to friends and family in the days proceeding my very recent trip, one after another they all sought to reassure me with, "but everyone speaks English these days."

I'm back from my trip to tell you, no they don't!

Especially in the smaller towns; especially the older folks; and especially the signage! Now, I'm not judging them at all. After all, I'm the visitor; why should I expect them to accommodate me because I came unprepared? And how pretentious are we Americans to believe "everyone speaks English"?

It really was my own fault for being so ill prepared. I have an aptitude for languages; I had 3 months to learn some rudimentary German. And I can sit here all day and make excuses about how busy I've been. But it would all be baloney. The truth is, I chose to believe "they all speak English" like any good American believes.

In Germany, faced with the reality that not everyone does, in fact, speak my language, I fell back on plan B. Be polite. Be unerringly humble in my communication attempts. Be correctly embarrassed. I kicked my own butt for being lazy and apathetic. I asked meekly, "Sprechen sie Englisch?" When I was answered, "Nein!" I gingerly attempted to communicate my need with some of my very basic words. If I was unsuccessful, I tried again. It was, indeed, an exercise in humility for me. As a writer, I pride myself on my ability to communicate. When faced with the inability to read a menu, decipher drug store lingo, or discern whether I needed to push or pull to open a door, I was truly humbled. I had become, in fact, illiterate.

And I had done it to myself.

No, the world does not revolve around me. "They" don't all speak English. But they were unfailingly polite to this English-speaker who mangled their native tongue.

Next time, I'll be better prepared. I promise!

Sometimes, It All Comes Together

As a photographer, I love and adore digital technology!! Some of it....

I purchased some huge memory cards, so I can snap away heedlessly.... with little concern for space or cost. And snap away, I do. My son recently noticed this and asked, "But how do you know what to take a picture of? And why do you take so many?" Without much thought, I answered, "I take a picture of anything that catches my attention- the light in the leaves, the shadow of a branch, the sky changing color... and sometimes I don't capture what I want, but I keep snapping away because you don't really know what you've got 'til you see it on your monitor."

So, I may take 200 pictures on any given walk thru the park. And, really, I'm happy if 10% turn out worth keeping. I don't spend a lot of time editing. I may crop a shot; I may add some fill light to lighten a face or lessen a shadow; I fairly often convert to black and white. Once in a great while, I'll get all fancy and try to blur some edges or such.... But I believe great photos happen when they're snapped, not in the editing process hours, days, weeks, heck- years later.

I really hate looking at a photo in a magazine and thinking, "WOW!" only to see it's been photoshopped all to heck. Oh come on, that's just cheating.... So if you possess great technical skills (with editing software), what does that make you? A great technician, not an artist. I want to see what you saw in that moment when you clicked your shutter.

And once in a long while, it all comes together. You upload; 100 pictures cross your monitor; you keep a few, you delete a lot. And one pops up and you "woo-hoo" out loud!! You sit back for a moment and think, "yeah. THAT's what I'm talkin' 'bout!"

Planning a Journey

I have an upcoming journey- to Dusseldorf. I have never had such difficulty preparing for a trip! Go Google "Dusseldorf." Go ahead; open up Google in a new tab and search. I'll be here when you're done....

Back already? See what I mean?? Not much to go on, huh? Clearly, this is a city just waiting for a great travelogue! Enter, me, LOL. Here I come- notebook and camera in hand.

My hopes: good weather, great photo ops, warm people, fine art, and wonderful German wine.

My fears: bad weather, closed galleries, blisters on my feet from shoes I don't often wear, impatience with my lack of language skills, and horrible exchange rates.

My German language skills consist of a few numbers (can not remember 4 for the life of me), good morning, good day, please, thank you, yes, no, and pork. I don't know how to ask for the ladies' loo; I don't know how to ask directions; I don't know how to order coffee. I feel so unprepared! The only other time I've ever been somewhere totally unprepared linguistically was when I visited Turkey. But there, we stayed with friends who helped us out immensely! In Germany, I am on my own. And a little scared.

And packing? Ah, yes. Well, I'm traveling with my hubby. And when he travels, he only takes a carry-on bag. He checks nothing, if he can help it. So, I'm limited to my 1 carry-on suitcase, my briefcase and purse. And camera. Actually, I think that puts me over my limit. Hmmm.... Well, maybe this requires rethinking.

Off to rethink- packing and other things. And maybe I'll learn how to ask for the toilet. And coffee. After all, those are the most important things, right?

Will I Ever Be Free?

... to speak my mind?

I was born and raised in the south. Part of that upbringing included the oft-quoted, "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' 'tall..."

I am now a grown woman. I have raised children of my own to adulthood. I have outlived my grandparents and my parents. I AM the matriarch of my family. And yet, I still can not speak my mind if I think it's rude.

I hesitate to bring up controversial subjects. I wiggle out of difficult questions. I dodge verbal bullets with my bulletproof southern belle vestments.

And I am so thankful that we don't walk around with thought bubbles above our heads.

But every now and then, I would love to be able to speak my mind. I would love to say, "what the heck do you think you're doing?" Or, "you're a whack job!!" Or even, "that was incredibly rude..." in response to someone else's wounding words.

I don't. I pull my southern gentility around me like a cloak, I take a deep breath, and I swallow the words that have formed on my tongue. Because, if I can't say something nice, I don't say anything at all.

Enough is Enough

Except when it isn't.

Many women feel they aren't "enough" for someone. Someone being her boyfriend, her husband, her kids, her friends, her family.

Why are we so hard on ourselves?? Why isn't it ever enough, in quantity or quality?

In this society, we hear so much about people, especially women, having surgery to fix what they feel isn't pretty enough, thin enough, big enough, young enough or firm enough. Hey people!! Life happens!! Some of us are fat! Some of us are old! So who gets to decide what's "enough"?

Most of us are seeking perfection. But perfection, my friend, exists only in God. And God created us in His image.... so it follows that we are perfect, as we are, because He created us so.

Therefore, I am enough.

And so are you.

Namaste.

The World IS Too Much With Us

Who said, "the world is too much with us?"

Google it, and you'll find it was William Wordsworth in 1807. He said:
"The world is too much with us; late and soon,
Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers;
Little we see in Nature that is ours;
We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon..."

In 1807, he said, "getting and spending, we lay waste our powers." What would Will say now???

I must say I try very hard to see what is in nature, and not to give my heart away to those things we get and spend for, but the world around us makes it very difficult most times.

As I sat outside this morning, watching the night turn to day, I was preoccupied with thoughts of things: the van that's acting up, what to make for dinner tonight, what to pack for my upcoming trip, the plate I fried in the microwave last night, the TV we're waiting on.... And now, I can barely remember the color of the sky as the sunlight crept over the horizon, or the clouds skittering across the lightening sky. The world is too much with me.

But Do I Want to Live Without TV?

During the move from Texas to Ohio, we've not had a TV in Ohio. The longest I've been without TV is about 3 weeks, during the rerun season. So, I "can" live without TV. But do I "want" to?

Some friends have been discussing, lately, the ugliness that is on television... the lying, cheating, back-stabbing characters of low morale. Granted. But sometimes, I need an escape. And I do love to read, and often escape into a good book. But, again, sometimes, a TV escape is in order, in my humble opinion.

I like being able to DVR my shows and watch them at my own convenience, and skip right thru the tedious, obnoxious commercials. I can watch 90 minutes' worth of Dancing With the Stars in less than 30 minutes if I fast forward thru all the extraneous hoopla and blah-blah. I watch it for the dancing, not the talking!

And I love me some history channel. LOL. After all, I am a self-professed history nerd. And, wait!! Let's not forget travel channel!!! Oh, the joys of traveling from my sofa....

Yep, I'm thinking I "can" live without TV, but I don't want to!! Off to order my new TV....

Star Gazing

I did a little star gazing this morning.

I was up way too early because it is the month of Ramadan, and I was up with hubby and son to have breakfast before sunrise....

Then, I pulled a throw around my nightie and headed out to the deck to watch the day break. And was surprised to see this beautiful formation of celestial bodies. At the time, I wasn't sure what it was, except a lovely sight for sleepy eyes.

The crescent moon hung half way between the horizon and overhead. Below her was a brilliant bright body. Now, I know it was Venus. And off to the left of Venus was a star, singularly bright in itself, tho paling to Venus' brilliance. It was Regulus. Who knew?

I sat and watched as the moon moved up, out of my line of sight; Regulus faded into the growing morning light; Venus grew dimmer and dimmer.

As the horizon grew from dark blue to lighter blue then on to palest pink, the heavenly night show came to an end. And day began.

For more info: http://news.yahoo.com/s/space/20071005/sc_space/seeacelestialsummitmeeting

Laying Over

Sometimes you have to "lay over" during a journey.

Laying over.... waiting for the next phase to begin. Yep, that's me right now, laying over.

The house in Texas is for sale. With almost all my worldly goods still there or in the storage unit, also in Texas.

But I'm in Ohio. In my new "nest".... but without all my stuff to make it home. I call it my nest because it's smaller than the house I'm leaving in Texas. And that's perfectly OK, except for the consideration of what doesn't make the move. But that's another day, OK??

So, here I am. Waiting. Waiting for my stuff. Waiting for a car. Did I mention that I'm without wheels, here in Ohio? Hubby takes 1 vehicle to work, son takes the other one to school. I'm housebound, more or less. So, I wait for someone to come home, so I can go somewhere.... anywhere.

Yep, laying over. Waiting for the next phase to start....